Leave the Receivables to Beaver
February 25, 2008
It’s just rainin’ humbugs!
You might suspect that new standards in humbuggery are being set when the president of Meredith Corporation says, “We don’t hire editors anymore. We hire content strategists.”
But you know that the bar’s been raised to unforeseen, perhaps Olympic, heights when Quebecor World, one of the biggest uncleared train wrecks in the world of printing, sponsors a Webinar entitled “New Realities in Magazine Manufacturing.”
Meredith first. The corporation publishes Better Homes and Gardens, Family Circle, Ladies Home Journal, Midwest Living and a few other “white bread” magazines, to use publishing group president Jack Griffin’s description. Speaking at the 2008 Folio: Publishing Summit on February 21,
But these days,
And Meredith has risen to the occasion. The company has invested approximately $600 million (about 7.9 percent of corporate sales) since 2002 on launches, acquisitions and expanding its online activities.
That’s where the editors come in… or not.
This prompted one Folio: reader, a former Meredith employee, to respond, “Good grief! Would that some of their editors were editors!”
It’s hard to say which layer in this tiramisu of adbsurdity tastes worst. The absurdity of drawing a paycheck from archaisms like Family Circle and then making fun of them? Or claiming that building Web sites is a noteworthy achievement? Or lecturing an audience of media executives on the obvious? Or posturing that Meredith is anywhere near the same league as PC Magazine or InfoWorld in facing challenge from online media? Or saying something as just-plain-dumb as “we don’t hire editors anymore”?
You go ahead and pick. We can’t.
In the case of Quebecor World, all we can say is we’re glad they don’t owe us money, cause it’s going to be pennies on the dollar for creditors when they finally get this mess sorted out.
Quebecor World, a $6 billion Canadian corporation, declared bankruptcy back in January 2008, after acquiring their way to a $3 billion debt.
The Casey Jones of this trip, CEO Doron Grossman, recently spoke to the Print Media Executive (PRIMEX)
Chapter 11 is a great place to place to be if you don’t care to repay your creditors, but we’re not aware that it has much else to recommend itself. It’s certainly not a tribute to the judgment of the executives at the throttle when the train left the track.
We don’t normally turn to bankrupt printers for advice on publishing business strategy. Unfortunately, that seems to be all that Grossman and his team want to talk about. Grossman’s suggestions at PRIMEX included:
- Giving printers more access to magazine staff beyond the production department, including sales, editorial, circulation, and marketing, so printers “know what readers want.”
-Asking readers to pay more. “Magazines need to be repositioned as premium products,” he said. “Right now, they are a unique product with commodity margins.”
-Making magazines more standardized, with fewer options in ink types, paper weights and trim sizes. “We are burdened by the complexity of all those sizes,” Grossman said.
-Embracing newsstand change as an opportunity to challenge “legacy thinking” about distribution practices.
-Shortening the contract negotiation process between printers and publishers to consolidate energy and time.
To us it sounds suspiciously as if Grossman is blaming his world-class calamaties on his customers. If we publishers would just straighten up and be reasonable, things could turn out fine.
Having tasted the allure of self-appointed punditry, apparently Grossman has decided that Quebecor’s new marketing theme is going to be chutzpah. Not three days ago, Folio: subscribers were invited to a Quebecor-sponsored Webinar on “New Realities in Magazine Manufacturing.”
We wonder what new realities we’d learn if we signed up. Maybe how to avoid paying suppliers.
Well, someone with a stronger stomach than ours is going to have to report back. Our mental image of Quebecor's New Reality involves twisted rail, coal and baggage strewn all over the landscape, and big wheels slowly spinning in the sky, with a couple of guys in suits crawling out of the overturned cars, with crack pipes, saying, “Great! Great! Now let’s tell everyone how to run a railroad!”
Dude! Drink some coffee… walk around for a while… find an appropriate 12-step program… and when you’re sober again, sell off some assets so you can pay what you owe. No matter how much you lecture your customers, you’re still deep in the hole you dug, you old humbug, you.
First, Kill All the Journalists
January 5, 2007
It’s feast or famine here among the entymologists. The Humbug Award judges go for weeks at a time without a candidate, wondering whether the world has been shamed into reforming. Then all of a sudden we get such a flood of business that we hardly know where to turn.
Well, here we go again. We were snoozing through the holidays and enjoying the slow pace when along came somebody named Steve Borriss, saying that journalism schools aren’t qualified to teach journalism.
And no sooner did our heads stop spinning than hot on his heels came the Nokia Corporation, with research claiming that within five years one fourth of all entertainment media will be created, edited, and distributed by consumers themselves.
Are we alone in thinking that these two oddly dumb propositions are manifestations of the same mass hallucination?
Borriss contends that the Internet has made traditional journalism obsolete… that students are wasting their time learning “conventional media tactics, and premises built upon now-failing models of objectivity and verification.”
He says that coursework at today’s J-schools doesn’t address important issues, such as the role of the press in American society, the business of publishing, or the potential value of technology to journalists. He also believes that the idea of objective and verifiable reporting is “laughable.”
Borriss’s qualifications to discuss the curricula of journalism schools? He helps people prepare for IT certification. He’s certainly entitled to his opinion, but ye gods… what’s his gripe? Are J-school professors making a big stink about the quality of today’s IT training?
At least Nokia’s motivation is predictable. They only have 900 million customers and they’re desperate to sell more phones.
According to Nokia’s vice president of multimedia, Mark Selby, their research shows that, “people will have a genuine desire not only to create and share their own content, but also to remix it, mash it up and pass it on within their peer groups—a form of collaborative social media.” Selby provides this example:
“Someone shares video footage they shot on their mobile device from a night out with a friend. That friend takes that footage and adds an MP3 file—the soundtrack of the evening—then passes it to another friend. That friend edits the footage by adding some photographs and passes it on to another friend and so on. The content keeps circulating.”
This sounds plausible enough (though we hope for everyone’s sake that the MP3 isn’t a Prince song). But will similar scenarios constitute 25 percent of the country’s entertainment by 2012, as Nokia claims? We think that’s a bit of a stretch. It’s going to take a lot of home movies and mashups to steal 15 minutes from every hour that people are currently devoting to TV shows, books, Web sites, radio programs, songs, DVDs, etc., etc.
Both Borriss and Nokia seem to believe that amateurs can produce better media than the professionals. The problem is that the more people who believe this, the more the rest of us suffer.
We’ve just ended a record year for journalist fatalities. The professionals who risk their lives to provide objective and verifiable coverage of events in places like
We’ll admit that there isn’t much at stake if the choice is between replaying a night on the town with friends or watching the average TV show. They’re probably equally enlightening. So you’re the runner-up, Nokia.
The Humbug Award goes to Mr. Borriss. We hope that the next time he wants to know what’s happening in the world around him, Borriss doesn’t have to rely on an amateur.
Those with a further interest in the subject might read this article from Inside Higher Ed, posted January 10, 2008.
Spreading the Word
November 25, 2007
Kindle.
No, just kidding. It wouldn't be sporting. We could mention that after spending millions in R&D and millions more in marketing, Amazon has invented something that’s almost as good as a book. And we could add that thousands of people are spending $400 for a device that allows them to read stuff that’s easier to read without the device. And believe it or not, the darn thing’s sold out, according to Amazon.com.
But we’ll turn elsewhere for our latest honoree.
This week the Humbug Award goes to PQ Media, creators of the Word-of-Mouth Marketing Forecast 2006-2011, presented at the Word-of-Mouth Marketing
PQ Media is a research company that—honest—refers to word-of-mouth as “an alternative marketing strategy supported by research and technology that encourages consumers to dialogue about products and services.” According to PQ Media, and we’re taking their word for it, U.S. companies are currently spending about $1 billion annually to encourage people to talk about their brands. PQ Media says spending will grow to $3.7 billion in 2011.
The Keller Fay Group, a research and consulting firm dedicated to word-of-mouth marketing, estimates that 3.5 billion brand-related conversations take place per day in the
We were most startled to discover from PQ Media that the return on investment from word-of-mouth advertising is not only measurable but attractive.
According to Patrick Quinn, the company’s CEO, “The new media industry axiom, ‘only what gets measured gets bought,’ has led to a discernible shift in media spending. The word-of-mouth marketing industry is capitalizing on this trend though its ability to provide ROI to brand marketers in a highly cost-effective platform.”
All of this has a faint whiff of Oz about it, and we don’t mean
We look forward to learning more as the word of mouth industry matures. Maybe they can skip the press release next year.
Extending a Warm Welcome…
December 19, 2007
Here at The Magazinist we always encourage publishers to think like brand managers. Practically every magazine is an outstanding brand in its own right, and proven techniques of brand management should be a component in every publication’s marketing strategy.
Big consumer goods manufacturers like Proctor and Gamble spend millions of dollars and decades of time to create a meaningful place for their products in customers’ lives. Magazines are bought because their meaningful place in readers’ lives is immediately obvious. Every successful magazine has a personality, a core purpose, and a clear set of values… qualities some brand managers would sell their souls for.
One of the great benefits of a strong brand identity is the ability to extend that identity to other products and services. There are as many great brand extensions as there are great brands. In the publishing industry, the Better Homes and Gardens real estate network stands out… and BH&G has recently introduced a line of housewares, demonstrating that extension can follow extension ad infinitum.
But enough good news. The Humbug Award judges can’t afford to waste precious time on reasonable business ventures. We’re here to honor the exotic implosions.
Fortunately for us, brand extensions offer a rich vein of inanity, one that’s mined annually in a poll conducted by the TippingSprung agency and BrandWeek magazine. This year’s survey features a delightful crop of brand extensions that deserve a seat of honor in the Humbug Hall of Fame.
Hooters, for example, makes its second appearance in just four years. In 2004 the company received a Worst Brand Extension award for Hooters Airline, which never really got off the ground, so to speak. This year the company returns with Hooters energy drink, which a third of the poll respondents named as the year’s most questionable food extension, and hooted off the stage.
Runners up in the food category include Bumble Bee Prime Fillet Chicken Breasts and Trump Steaks. In defense of the Trump empire we could mention that 2.4% of the respondents said that Trump Rugs was a top brand extension for the home, although brand consultant Laura Ries asked the important question in a BrandWeek article: “Trump rug collection? For the head or the floor?”
The single most inappropriate brand extension of the year was launched by a leading purveyor of weepy porcelain figurines, Precious Moments. Their extension? Precious Moments coffins.
Runners up for this year’s Worst Brand Extension award include the Humane Society Dog Lovers Wine Club and Girls Gone Wild apparel.
In this poll, as in so many beauty contests, most of the winners are just as dumb as the losers. Among the brand extensions taking home this year’s “Best of” awards are PetSmart Pets Hotel, Huggies Little Swimmers sunscreen, Disney’s Fairy Tale wedding gowns, and American Idol camp.
It makes you proud to be in publishing, doesn’t it?
Good brand extensions almost always move into a market space related to the original brand’s. Trix yoghurt, for example, is a logical extension of Trix cereal. Traditionally, publishers have extended magazine brands into other media, such as books, trade shows, databases, anthologies, and, duh, Web sites. But heaven (and Better Homes and Gardens magazine) knows the possibilities are endless. Some publishers have opened ad agencies. Others have moved to cable TV. Martha Stewart signed up with K-Mart.
The judges ask that you think twice before you move into the coffin business. But hey, if it makes sense, go ahead and write up a business plan. The market is the final arbiter. For all we know, Hooters is getting rich from their energy drink.
But it’s still humbug!
Ad Agency Finds Whorehouse
October 31, 2007
An old joke defines a sociologist as someone who spends $150,000 to find a whorehouse. But not even the most naïve sociologist pays for the research out of his own pocket.
Our Humbug of the Week Award goes to an advertising agency that recently spent lots of its own good money to locate the obvious—and now claims to have made a breakthrough discovery. In a week of tough competition, this crew takes the prize in humbuggery.
Let’s review some media fundamentals before we blow the trumpets and award the trophy.
On the first day of Journalism 101, students are told that mass communication has three functions: to inform, entertain, or persuade. The three functions work both separately and together. Information and entertainment can be sought, such as when people search Google or buy a book. And they can be delivered, such as when people subscribe to a magazine or sign up for an e-newsletter.
We all know from our own experience that people generally don’t want to be persuaded, which is why advertising is included with information or entertainment. And we all know that people dislike advertising that detracts from the experience of being informed or entertained.
All of this is very straightforward, virtually self-evident, and in need of no further elaboration or debate.
And yet here comes Engauge, the new advertising agency. According to an article in Ad Age written by agency CEO Rick Milenthal, their exciting new research project found:
1. Sometimes people want to be informed or entertained.
2. Sometimes people actively seek information or entertainment.
3. Sometimes people want information or entertainment delivered to them.
4. Sometimes people are bothered by advertising.
5. Advertising can be less bothersome when it suits its context.
And he claims that no one knew this before now. Honest.
If proof were ever needed that a great humbug doesn’t need to lie, here’s the ironclad case. By striking the right notes and assuming the right tone, our Humbug of the Week creates the impression of insight and intelligence without saying anything other than the flat-out obvious.
For example, Milenthal opens his article by saying, “We've all read stories heralding the death of advertising as we know it. But have consumers really abandoned advertising?”
Hold the phone. Who said advertising is dying? Who said consumers have abandoned advertising?
He continues. “Spending time with consumers in the real world, where and when they actually engage with media, enabled us to see that when they spend time with media, they do it with a purpose, goal or need that drives their behavior.”
Awkward phrasing, to be sure. But has the concept ever been in doubt?
We can’t go on—it would be neither fair nor fair use. But you can read the whole thing for yourself, and we urge you to. You won’t learn anything… except how an essential component of salesmanship is the ability to state common sense with authority.
Sharing this week’s award is Ad Age, which should know better than to publish such stuff. But there’s a difference between being a mere patron of the humbug arts and being a humbug artist, and thus we raise our glasses to you, Rick Milenthal… your agency, Engauge… and your backers, Halyard Capital. Thanks for the insight, and godspeed.
Mr. Nick Denton
October 16, 2007
Among those rules are Webster's. But we can forgive
What earns
Examples are legion. We might mention The Wasp, whose mission statement, "To lash the Rascals naked through the world," barely did justice to its owner's penchant for libel. Or William Cobbett (nom de plume: "Peter Porcupine"), who was disavowed by even his allies. Or Tom Paine, for that matter. It's not like there isn't a tradition of nose-tweaking to draw from.
What